Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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