saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
