i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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