I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
you had me at cake vodka
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
