I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
