my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
