Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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