Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
