Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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