Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
