and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
