yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
