I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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