sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
