Dignity is for republicans.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
