It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
