i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
