she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
