either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
