last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
