wrigley field is MILF paradise
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
