Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
