im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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