Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
