i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
