please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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