She is in my trunk
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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