the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
