Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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