I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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