My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
