My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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