You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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