Do vagina's smell?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
