Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
