I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
