The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
