they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
