she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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