You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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