Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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