Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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