the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
