I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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