His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
