I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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