I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
