I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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