You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
