i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
