I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
