I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
