using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
